


Only of you

by anastasiapullingteeth



Series: Shenanigans [4]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4760297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasiapullingteeth/pseuds/anastasiapullingteeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire finds the lyrics of a song Jehan wrote without telling anyone; he wants to know who he wrote it for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only of you

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, Sam's idea. You can blame her.
> 
> Placed before [When it’s time](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2739941/chapters/6141272).

Grantaire hated moving out. He hated having to pack all the crap he insisted in accumulate in his old apartment to then unpack them again in the new one. It was so damn tiring and stressing, he'd never been good at it; it always was there the thing that broke up in the way there or that other that mysteriously disappeared from the box Grantaire was sure he'd put it in. Either way, this moving was something special: he was currently folding his clothes into the closet of his new room, the second door in the apartment he shared with Jehan in California. Only a 15-minutes-walk away from Enjolras. He didn’t hate this one moving in particular.

"'Aire, come here, please?" he heard Jehan calling him from the other room. "I can't for the life of me put the damn bed together."

They tried by all means to put the headboard in place, but the thing simply refused to cooperate. After half an hour they give up; as Grantaire and Jehan sat on the floor, boring holes in the damn thing with their eyes, Jehan groaned in frustration. "I'm gonna find a hammer," he said, standing up. "I'm gonna make that thing fit no matter what."

Grantaire watched him leaving the bedroom, puffing with anger, and held back a snort. He stood up the, stumbling over his feet and knocked down a nearby box. "Shit," he murmured, collecting the papers that had come out and putting them back inside. He then saw a lonely sheet of paper close to him with some words on it. It had many smudges and scratches but there was no doubt it was in Jehan's handwriting.

He bent down to pick the piece of paper up and spied what it was written on it. It seemed like a poem... or a song, maybe, if the almost microscopic scribbling under the lyrics were something to go by. As he read it from beginning to end, the frown on his forehead deepened. It was a love song. Jehan had wrote a love song... but to whom?

 

 _I don't have much to give, but I don't care for gold_  
What use is money, when you need someone to hold?  
Don't have direction, I'm just rolling down this road  
Waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold

_You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain,  
Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name_

_Pack up and leave everything,_  
Don't you see what I can bring  
Can't keep this beating heart at bay  
Set my midnight sorrow free,  
I will give you all of me  
Just leave your lover, leave him for me.  
Leave your lover, leave him for me.

 

Grantaire had to stop a moment after he finished reading. Jehan was in love with someone and, judging by what he'd wrote, it wasn't reciprocated. He felt his heart clenching inside his chest, a mixture of sadness and anger. Jehan had been going through a heartbreak and hadn't say a word. He blamed himself for it; he'd been too busy planning his surprise for Enjolras that had neglected his friend. He also wanted to kill whoever had made Jehan suffer.

But what if... No, the song couldn't be for him, right? They'd talked about that, it was all part of the past! For God's sake, before the tour Jehan even had encouraged him to try something with Enjolras, why would he do that if he was still in love with him? It didn't make sense.

But if it was... Grantaire didn’t want to think of the implications of that statement. He'd left everything for Jehan, he owed him that much, but he also loved Enjolras like he'd never thought he'd love someone; he made him a different, better version of himself, it wasn't fair he had to choose.

Except maybe he hadn't, he thought as he saw Jehan walking back inside the bedroom. Jehan and Enjolras were the most important people in his life, but in order to come up with a solution, he first needed to know whether Jehan was still in love with him or not and... maybe they could find a way to make everyone happy. He hoped Enjolras didn’t mind that much. He had to talk about it with him, too.

"Okay, I found the hammer. Who'd thought a bed could give so much trouble."

"Hey, uh..." Grantaire lifted his eyes, trying to ignore the void in his stomach, waving the paper in front of Jehan's face. "Look what I found."

 

***

 

Jehan actually felt the color leaving his face as he recognized the paper Grantaire held in his hands. "Where did you find that?" he asked as nonchalantly as he could master, kneeling next to the disassembled bed.

"I accidentally knocked down that box and this was inside. Is there... something you'd like to talk about?" Grantaire scratched the back of his neck and Jehan just knew he'd ask the question he was trying to avoid. "Maybe... Maybe the person you wrote this for?"

"No. It's fine."

"I don't think it is, buddy. C'mere, stand up." He helped him back on his feet and held one of his hands between his own. "Are you okay? Who's this guy?"

He sounded protective and that caused a warm feeling inside Jehan's chest. But as much as he wanted, he simply couldn't tell him that that song talked about him. He'd been mildly confused about his feelings for Grantaire for a while now. Since they'd gone on tour, he'd had to learn to share his best friend with Enjolras and the blossoming relationship that was developing between them. It was really easy at first, but the more he saw how much Grantaire loved Enjolras, the more... left out he felt.

Then, Enjolras and Grantaire started fighting.

Jehan had tried to stay out of it, but it was a childish decision: less Enjolras meant more Jehan in Grantaire's life. It'd be ridiculously easy to let everything fall under its own weight, let Grantaire forget about Enjolras after a heartbreak, and having him coming back to him on his own. But he was a good person and couldn't bear the sight of his best friend suffering, so instead of taking the chances, he'd helped Grantaire with Enjolras, only to hide in his bedroom right after to write songs about a long lost love.

Maybe a part of him never really imagined that Enjolras could love Grantaire back, he thought with a bang of guilt. What were the chances after all? They hadn't seen each other in over eight years... But they were together now, it was a reality. What could it be more real that moving to California just so they both could be together? Jehan had had his chance and Grantaire didn't love him back, end of story.

That didn't mean though that sometimes, when he felt particularly nostalgic, his mind didn't keep wandering to those days of his teen years, when Grantaire shared a bed with him, holding him close to his chest as he kissed his nose and lips. He still did it from time to time, but Jehan could tell it was different and, sometimes, it broke his heart to know he wasn't Grantaire's everything anymore. It was selfish, it was stupid, but he couldn't shake away the reminiscences of what they almost were.

"Is this... for Courf?" Grantaire asked tentatively, pulling Jehan out of his reverie.

"What? No!" he practically yelled, taken aback for the question. "No, no, it's not for him," he repeated, clearing his throat to regain control over his voice as he tried to snatch the paper out of Grantaire's tight grip.

Grantaire held it out of his reach, placing a hand on Jehan's shoulder to stop him. "I'm worried about you, man. You know he's not... Y'know," he waved his hand, trying to find the right words, "like, interested?"

Jehan knew. He'd known practically since the first time they'd talked, but even if it wasn't the case, Jehan was the one not interested in dating Courfeyrac. The drummer was hot and Jehan wouldn't deny he'd bang that given the chance, but his heart was somewhere else entirely. "No... It's not for him."

"Who then?" Grantaire pushed and Jehan almost glared at him for making things so hard.

"No one. I... I heard some boys talking in a record store the other day..." he said in a rush, stumbling over his words and avoiding Grantaire's eyes. "I thought it'd be a good... story to tell."

"Really?" Grantaire voice was more cheerful and Jehan wondered what was that weight he could see leaving Grantaire's shoulders. "Do you want us to play it? I think we could make it work, what you have so far is fucking good!"

"No, no. It's fine!" Jehan pleaded, feeling the panic spreading all over inside him. It was a terrible idea, Grantaire's worst idea. "It was super random. It's been a while since I wrote something, I thought I would give it a try, you know? Just practice."

"Well, if you change your mind, let me know, okay? The song's awesome."

"Yeah, sure."

Grantaire shortened the distance between them and kissed his forehead before wrapping him in a tight hug. "Hey, if you... You've always been there for me and I want you to know that I'm here for you, too, okay?" Grantaire rubbed his arm, whispering in his ear; Jehan only patted his back, barely returning the hug. "You're my number one priority, okay? Remember, we're partners for life."

Jehan nodded, noncommittal. Grantaire pecked him on the lips, caressed his cheek, and finally gave him the sheet of paper back. "Dude, I'm so excited for tomorrow" Grantaire continued, walking towards the hallway. "I can't wait to surprise Enjolras at the studio, he's gonna piss his pants."

Jehan snorted, but his eyes were fixed on the piece of paper still in his hands. He looked back at Grantaire, hearing him talk excitedly about his plans for the next day. Jehan let out a long sigh and, before he could have second thoughts, ripped the paper in half. He kept shredding it until there was nothing more than a few small pieces scattered at his feet.

"Partners for life..." he mumbled, ignoring the bitterness of his own words, and followed Grantaire into the living room.

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Leave your lover - Sam Smith


End file.
